The saying goes even if you fail in love but atleast once you should experince love.. but there are many (or is it only me) who have never fallen in love or have been loved by some one.
I think my life comes in ajeeb category these days falling in love is so easy, there is so much contact and openness with the opposite sex, take for the ground in which we sit to drink for instance the whole ground is full of teenage loverias, and their numbers are constantly increasing. Seems like having a setting is compulsory. After 3 pegs everyone is on phone with their setting, thou i was never keen to get a machine but after drinking when everone is phone i just wonder why the fuck i m not in love.
Being super lazy could be a reason, is falling in love on purpose, does one chooses to fall in love, (now i m feeling shy, talking about love is just so out of fashion, its just so teenajee and bollywoodish). rite now i feel like kissing sonam kapoor, i just wonder how our mind work..
i m loosing track of this post now, it is just going haywire nothing is coming to my mind… i need to do some self introspection noww….. yes thts right why i m taking all this trouble.. arent lazy people supposed to stay out of trouble… still nothing coming to my mind…. i have to get to the root from the school days rite..
When i was in school and hormones were on the boil i liked this girl.. hmmm what was her name.. it started from V.. ok i cant remember. i liked this girl she was hot and smart.. What do we call that girl who is hotshot in a class, hmm.. in US they call them popular.. and i was lazy, introvert unattentive and unpopular, i used to think a lot about this girls i liked her, but that cant come under love category.
When i was in college there used to be girl in tuition her name was deepa, she was really beautiful she used to give a lot of line to me,, but i was shy then, or to put it straght i was just afraid of girls.. i guess i still am afraid..
So you see the scorecard is just blank,, mera jeevan kora kagaz, kora hi reh gaya kind of shit..
Why am i afraid of falling in love, i think i just don’t find it useful there is lot of work and commitment and head-ache involved, one needs to change a lot, in beginning act a lot, i don’t like acting, i think i will have to lie a lot and i don’t lie. actually i never lie. I want to be free i believe the lesser the relations with humans the more happier you are. I dont make new friends i just limit them to the existing one’s. The loving stuff could get pretty emotional and addictive some times i dont want to take chances, i would be better with substance abuse than mental abuse.. i dont want to be mad.. I find this love, setting thing quiet childish, filmy and something that would not suit my character… Its time the human race evolves out of this love thing..My story is not a love story its just a simple story… I did experiments with all kind of things, but never with love.. I never was too attached to anyone, people always think i m emotionless, i never cried thou sometimes i really wish i could cry, the wall of my character stops me from opening up.. my mind says dont do that its out of your character, i cant act smart, i cant act being helpful i cant act as if i care. I just dont want someone nagging me(i already have a mother who does it and dont want another women), i dont want some one to tell me what to do and what not to, i dont want guidance, i dont want advice.. I JUST DONT WANT TO CHANGE..
i know this is the most meaningless, direction less and hopeless post ever. please dont care to read, i m posting this because i have already typed it, and after taking all this effort i dont want to waste it.
P.S. In india one can refer to their girl-friend or girl in various myriad ways.
1. Maal (which means goods) if the girls are standing in lines u cud say goods train
2. Setting (english) quiet common
3. Machine (english) its quiet limited in usage and is used in lower class societies.. its used in the sense that a machine to douse one’s sexual urge..
4. daav (means chance) used in the sense that she gives a chance to fuck..
5. line (english) used mostly in kerala
there are many ways to express but i m in a bit hurry. reads can post various usages if they wish.