The title thing is how stupid, and i dont wanted to title yet another post as “updates” and such crap. How can life, days, memories or moments can be titled.. sometimes its better to go untitled..
I wasnt blogging as you must have guessed it that k pc kharab ho gaya tha, got it repaired yesterday, since pc was not working was free all these days with nothing to do.. Cousin S was also job less, so we initially started playing cards. Me, cousin S and cousin K’s wife. Then 1 day B came, he too is job less and we started playing 3 patti with money.. and it was such a fun. Then R2 joined us he too is jobless, then R1 would drop by every now and then by gulla maaring from office. So basically the house got transformed into a gambling den. I wont be playing today as lot of work is pending…
As R1 was leaving yesterday after drinking (we completed a whole bottle yesterday) he got emotional and said dont go, if you go what will happen of me, please dont go.. lol.. one of the rare moments when he gets emotional esp in front of me.. nobody gets emotional in front of me, because of my rationality or to say my disconnection from human emotions..owing to the way i look at thing, or life. Actually we are moving back to kerala (most probably). The cousins will be leaving on monday then i will be alone, then parents will be back here next month (they havent come yet) after that we will pack every thing and move to kerala to our village. Work on our new home in kerala is about to get completed and father since he retired wants to live in kerala. And since my work is not place specific i can work from anywhere they want me there too. And i m confused in my life like this for the first time. This is the biggest decision that i might have to take in my life which will change the course of my life for good or bad.
Personally i want to live here itself, i dont want to leave the life that i m having here, this is my karma bhoomi i m not sure if i can have a life back there in kerala. Yeh they have bars there but bars cant be substituted for friends. And i dont make friends easily, it actually takes years before i label anyone as friend. I havent met a new person in last 5 years, all the people i have around have been with me for more than 10 years… we have strong bonding. But another problem is that if parents decide to stay in kerala, i cant stay here alone. I cant live without parents. If i have to still stay here i will have to do the thing which i fear the most “marriage”. I guess if i marry i would be able to stay here, the food and all are major issues. I m incapable of eating or digesting bahar ka khana, and i dont have any intention to cook myself. Another issue with kerala is people are very social, they talk a lot, and i dont like that, they ask stupid things like if i had lunch, what was in it, whats the point in talking such crap, these kind of things makes me sick..
so basically life is at cross-roads and i have no-idea what i will decide, or have to decide the main thing at stake is “happiness” and its not something that can be decided with a toss of coin. I want my parents aswell as my friends. I want you guys to give some suggestions as to what should i do.