Bloody chemical reaction – An analysis
This post is very important, because its a study, a study on human emotions. This post doesnt contain any entertainment value, but i just intend to document something that i felt happening within me – a bloody chemical reaction in simpler terms love. Yeh thats what i would call it and it would be no exaggeration. It took 10 hours from indifference to empathy to love.
So as the story goes, we went for ladki dekhing yesterday. I my dad and an agent, so we go to this girl’s, gd house and ever thing. i see the girl, she looks ok, average if i may say so, thou i think i have lost my sense of beauty in terms of girls or may be by being bombarded with constant mallu girls(who apparently are a bit uglier in general), my earlier sense has changed, to the extent that i find even uglier people beautiful, in most instance the more uglier the more attracted i find myself to be to them. Coming to the point so this girl is average, not really bad looking, i mean i would say aesthetically pleasing, good dressing sense and way of talking.
Till this moment i was pretty much indifferent, i was not even intending to marry anytime soon, i was just collecting some content and experience and finding reasons to humiliate myself, dont ask y its just an experiment that i like to conduct. Well in the process if i find something appealing and if it works out then well and good, i did backout of a few alliance just because i didnt felt like doing it, i mean at that moment. So continuing the story, the girl gave chai, i said i just need water, she gave water. Saw the girl properly she is ok. Then she goes and stands near the door near her mother, her mother is talking and she is just standing there. I notice her eyes she looked like bhengi, i was not sure though, it was not clear if she really had slight cross eye. Apparently i was tweeting all the while and did made a reference of it here https://twitter.com/gareebinsaan/status/250466872695332864 ofcourse i was not giving a shit, my father didnt even notice. So i tell my father, he asks the agent and he does confirms she has slight problem with eyes and eventually it was decided it was not good.
So i just forgot about it, just lay thinking about things at night, there was no good movie on tv and there was no new downloaded movie on pc so i just lay on bed as i was not feeling sleepy yet. Then suddenly earlier events of the day started creeping in, i scanned through the events of the day just reviewing them, and i began thinking about the girl. And as i remember i dont find her bad looking. I just felt her to be very well behaved, and as i thought further i remember how she stood with her mother near the door for a considerably longer time, none of the girls i met earlier made an appearance this long. I thought why did she do that, i assumed she did that because she wanted people to be aware of the eye defect at this earlier stage than finding out later? May b, but still standing there for so long like half an hour exposing her deformities, the first word that came to my mind was Respect. I began to respect her.
Then i thought further, though i knew it wont be good to think any further, i know the ways of brain, i know if you think about someone for too long brain starts to secrete chemicals that would make you like them. Still i continued thinking just wondered how many people would have rejected her, and i began to fill sorry for her, was just thinking who would marry her. This is not some major deformity like polio and shit, but still its significant enuf. Then i felt sorry for her mother, i remembered seeing hope in their eyes. Now the level of emotion has reached to empathy. This is a serious level, i was thinking about her school life, how other children would have made fun of her, she might have had pretty bad life. Then i thought if someone has to marry her why shouldnt it b me, that altruistic feeling of doing something good came over me, i began to think this would be my big being different moment. I did think about what people would think, people would say this is all that he could get because he is a loser. Now rebellion in me was rising i thought fuck people, when have i cared about people. Now i wanted to marry her because i wanted to prove to myself that i dont give a shit about what people think.
By 11pm in the night i had decided i will marry this girl, i will tell my parents early in the morning. I dont give a shit about what anyone thinks, she must be a nice girl i said to myself. And i began to think of her more and i started liking her, by 12.00pm i thought i love this girl, and would marry her anyway.
Woke up in morning, and remembered what i had decided last night. I was about to tell my parents then i said to myself, maya think before you act, its all fucking chemical reaction, you might repent later. Think over it once again be practical dont get swayed, its all maya. You are being illogical, its not that you have been in love with the girl for a year for acting like such a rebel, may be she is an ass hole, you dont know it. Emotions have fucked people, be indifferent as you always are. Your decision is purely based on the fact that there was no movie on tv, if there was good movie you wouldnt have even thought of all this. I nodded my head.