Today i finally typed my first self help query into google, i m one of those people who hate advice, wether written or oral, i have never read any self help bullshit, neither have i listened to anyone. But things are getting so serious now, and my problem is my laziness, i should be smart enough to think a way around it, but i m unable to do it, even my work is not very boring, its sort of ok, not something to be bored about, anyway the most boring part of my work i have already outsourced and i get it done from freelancers.
Even the supposedly interesting part of my work i m unable to do, and i m totally unable to find a solution to this, the major problem i think is because of the uncertain result, my work invovles things that may or may not give results, also there is no specific time when i could expect result, i m just supposed to put effort and just wait like some gamble, i like gamble but gambling results are instant, its not like you have to wait for an uncertain amount of time. I think this is whats causing the problem, the brain is not getting any fucking incentive to work, the normal people they do boring work at office but they get salary in time, so that acts as a motivation. I have to work, and i dont fucking no if i will get a result or not.
The recent google update that affected exact match domains fucked me over, so its pretty much zero now, but its good for a change, so i can close some of these resource hungry shit and move to something else, but closing something that you have built by investing your time and money is hard, especially for me who values hard work just because i m very lazy and i know the effort required to actually build something from scratch. I think it has been one of my major problems, inability to hiveoff loss making units.
Now some comedy, day before yesterday did a marathon ladki dekhing. 5 girls it was totally bheekarisome, it doesnt get any more pathetic than this, i do it for experience, for posterity. I need a record of this patheticness also it has its funny moments the hunger for which never dies, i seem to have an affinity to get myself into embarrassing situations. Ok it will be better if i do a separate post for it.
over and out
Sometimes i really wonder if i really am an introvert. I do call myself an introvert but sometimes i doubt if i really am one. I dont have problem with people, i actually like people, its just that i only like particular kind of people.. and there are people in front of whom i feel extremely nervous or uncomfortable, so much so that i would hide or run to avoid them.
I have never been able to understand the difference between the people i like and people i dont like, they are same kind of people, there is hardly any difference. No matter how i try to deduce their character i m unable to understand the reason for my uncomfortableness among some people. The world seems to be clearly divided, and its not that i need time to hate these people, i hate people mostly in first look, even if they have never talked to me.
Yesterday was fun, drank with 5 people one among them was communist bechare ki maa chud gayi, made a lot of fun about communists, when you drink in kerala you invariably end up talking politics at the end, it mainly happens with mainstreamers, not when a bunch of losers like us are drinking. Its then that i thought i dont really corroborate to the standard definition of an introvert, i actually like people, the more of them the better. Even people i meet on internet, i simply like them or i hate them, even thou i have never met them or know them.
This post is very important, because its a study, a study on human emotions. This post doesnt contain any entertainment value, but i just intend to document something that i felt happening within me – a bloody chemical reaction in simpler terms love. Yeh thats what i would call it and it would be no exaggeration. It took 10 hours from indifference to empathy to love.
So as the story goes, we went for ladki dekhing yesterday. I my dad and an agent, so we go to this girl’s, gd house and ever thing. i see the girl, she looks ok, average if i may say so, thou i think i have lost my sense of beauty in terms of girls or may be by being bombarded with constant mallu girls(who apparently are a bit uglier in general), my earlier sense has changed, to the extent that i find even uglier people beautiful, in most instance the more uglier the more attracted i find myself to be to them. Coming to the point so this girl is average, not really bad looking, i mean i would say aesthetically pleasing, good dressing sense and way of talking.
Till this moment i was pretty much indifferent, i was not even intending to marry anytime soon, i was just collecting some content and experience and finding reasons to humiliate myself, dont ask y its just an experiment that i like to conduct. Well in the process if i find something appealing and if it works out then well and good, i did backout of a few alliance just because i didnt felt like doing it, i mean at that moment. So continuing the story, the girl gave chai, i said i just need water, she gave water. Saw the girl properly she is ok. Then she goes and stands near the door near her mother, her mother is talking and she is just standing there. I notice her eyes she looked like bhengi, i was not sure though, it was not clear if she really had slight cross eye. Apparently i was tweeting all the while and did made a reference of it here https://twitter.com/gareebinsaan/status/250466872695332864 ofcourse i was not giving a shit, my father didnt even notice. So i tell my father, he asks the agent and he does confirms she has slight problem with eyes and eventually it was decided it was not good.
So i just forgot about it, just lay thinking about things at night, there was no good movie on tv and there was no new downloaded movie on pc so i just lay on bed as i was not feeling sleepy yet. Then suddenly earlier events of the day started creeping in, i scanned through the events of the day just reviewing them, and i began thinking about the girl. And as i remember i dont find her bad looking. I just felt her to be very well behaved, and as i thought further i remember how she stood with her mother near the door for a considerably longer time, none of the girls i met earlier made an appearance this long. I thought why did she do that, i assumed she did that because she wanted people to be aware of the eye defect at this earlier stage than finding out later? May b, but still standing there for so long like half an hour exposing her deformities, the first word that came to my mind was Respect. I began to respect her.
Then i thought further, though i knew it wont be good to think any further, i know the ways of brain, i know if you think about someone for too long brain starts to secrete chemicals that would make you like them. Still i continued thinking just wondered how many people would have rejected her, and i began to fill sorry for her, was just thinking who would marry her. This is not some major deformity like polio and shit, but still its significant enuf. Then i felt sorry for her mother, i remembered seeing hope in their eyes. Now the level of emotion has reached to empathy. This is a serious level, i was thinking about her school life, how other children would have made fun of her, she might have had pretty bad life. Then i thought if someone has to marry her why shouldnt it b me, that altruistic feeling of doing something good came over me, i began to think this would be my big being different moment. I did think about what people would think, people would say this is all that he could get because he is a loser. Now rebellion in me was rising i thought fuck people, when have i cared about people. Now i wanted to marry her because i wanted to prove to myself that i dont give a shit about what people think.
By 11pm in the night i had decided i will marry this girl, i will tell my parents early in the morning. I dont give a shit about what anyone thinks, she must be a nice girl i said to myself. And i began to think of her more and i started liking her, by 12.00pm i thought i love this girl, and would marry her anyway.
Woke up in morning, and remembered what i had decided last night. I was about to tell my parents then i said to myself, maya think before you act, its all fucking chemical reaction, you might repent later. Think over it once again be practical dont get swayed, its all maya. You are being illogical, its not that you have been in love with the girl for a year for acting like such a rebel, may be she is an ass hole, you dont know it. Emotions have fucked people, be indifferent as you always are. Your decision is purely based on the fact that there was no movie on tv, if there was good movie you wouldnt have even thought of all this. I nodded my head.
Find here my previous self degrading ladki dekhing adventures. http://en.search.wordpress.com/?q=ladki+dekhing&site=adayinthelifeofindia.wordpress.com .
If you are not a regular here, which apparently you are not. Because i have lost my tribe a long back and i m doing all this bakchodi all by myself with nobody to read. Still i suggest you to read the above shit which would certainly make you feel better because you will feel relieved that there is someone who is a bigger loser than you.
I have not done any ladki dekhing in recent times, but parents have been looking and its still not working out and stuff. So my parents tell me that there is this girl who is coming to her relatives place which is near to our home, so they said they would go and see the girl and if they like her, they will call me so that i can see. It was near so i agreed, and also there was no writing worth shit happens so i decided to go anyways.
So parents went, after sometime they gave me a call and asked me to come. When i reached there what the fuck do i see. There is some party going on, not the city type party i mean village type party where people eat food sitting on tables. So this was the house of a newly married guy, and these people who were having food including my parents, were like their relatives, it some post shaadi food party. My parents never told me, i will be seeing a girl here in all this bheed, i would have refused if i knew before hand, but since i m here now i said lets give it a try, when i entered everyone was looking at me, i felt weird. There were a few girls eating food, i assumed she would be one among them, i ignored them. But then my father calls me, he is standing in the balcony of the house, my father is standing there also there is a girl standing, my father tells me this is the girl in front of the girl, then i give a smile she responds. My father asks the girl have you seen him, i find the question a bit weird. I mean how can the girl could have seen me before, she is not even from this place. So i take out my regular set of questions.
I ask her name. She tells her name. I see that everyone is looking at us, and i was feeling a bit weird, ladki dekhing things inbetween all thse people. Then i asked about her education, she replied with some hesitation. Then i decided to take a proper look and ask something else, i looked towards her face, i see a red mark on her forehead, whats this shit, oh my shit this is sindhoor, who the bloody fuck is she, who am i asking my standard shaadi questions, then my bloody father says, this is the girl that this guy married. What the bloody fuck.
I was like, why the fuck didnt u didnt tell me, if you tell me this is the girl, what the hell do i assume, of course i m gonna assume its the ladki dekhing girl. So that was funny, i was blushing red like a monkey’s ass after this super chutiyagiri.
After that i kept laughing internally, there was a constant smile on my face. Then did ladki dekhing, i dont why but yesterday’s whole day was chutiya, i dont know if this girl was psycho or what, she kept laughing hiding behind her friend, i couldnt even see her face, never mind. i still found that funny, i laughed too and i wondered if she was laughing at the chutiyagiri that i performed earlier, also this time i didnt ask any questions, i said its fine and left.
over and out.
When i see my old posts, i find myself awesome its like the only good thing i have done. So i have decided to continue to solve questions of everyday life. And again its going to be about clothing, i have talked about it in the past too.
So why exactly do we wear clothes, why and how did clothes became compulsory feature of our culture. Why cant we decide to go naked and why exactly do we feel ashamed of going naked.
There are too many generally accepted theories to clothing, like we wear to protect ourselves from climate and things, the stuff that they taught us in school. Also once everyone started to wearning clothes and got habituated to it we find it hard to go naked, yes all these theories are logical and true. But i have got this another theory, i dont know if it had already been talked about, may be it has been i dont know.
And its not like its the primary reason for clothing, its more like a secondary or more sublime kind of reason. I think we wear clothes because we think we have an ugly body, yeh there is bit of generalization. But if you think properly of the general behaviour of the people with ugly disformed body and people with so called perfect body. There is an tendency among both men and women with perfect bodies to showoff their bodies, more skin. lets take into consideration what we see everyday, film stars and such people supposedly having perfect bodies, what are they doing. When these men have perfect muscles what do they do, they take off their clothes and show these bodies, same with women when they have hour glass figure what do they do? they show up in more revealing clothes, bikinies and such.
So going by that logic, people who wear conservative clothes are having a body that they are ashamed of? Doesnt that make sense to you. I dont have numbers but take out some survey i assure you people who frequent more to the beaches are the people having more aesthetically pleasing bodies, the sole purpose of these people is to show off their body. Especially these bikinis, i find them in really bad taste, i dont like it, women look like frogs in it, may be you people dont find it repulsive but i certainly do.
We are still in a phase where we are supposed to clothe as per our culture, i m talking about lesser developed countries, feminists and such are crying because they are not allowed to wear clothes as per their wish. In the west people have already grown above it, and people with better bodies are going naked, i mean those nude beaches are there for a reason.
The point i m trying to make is in future where we would have grown over our baggage of culture and shit regarding to clothing, we will have a population that wont approve of being naked in public, people would certainly want to be naked in public in future, take my word for it but there will be a section of population with ugly bodies who would oppose the idea, so we wont have a world where every one would be naked.
Ok i re-read the post, i m hardly making any point i guess. I m writing on a non personal topic after a really long time, thats why i m not able to get the old originality, anyway i m gonna post it, wont waste my effort.
I dont really remember the first time i smoked marijuana, i think i drank bhang earlier.. but i dont really really recall either of the events. I do have some memory problem i guess. I have mostly good memories of smoking marijuana, but i do remember of puking twice.. The last time i had marijuana was in form of bhang thats 2 years back.
So UNI had arranged for some pot two days back, so we smoked and we laughed like for some 3 hours, yeh thats how i react to marijuana i laugh non stop, i know a lot of people who dont laugh after smoking pot, but i generally people who laugh, when i and R1 used to smoke we too used to laugh a lot.
The best memory that i have of smoking pot is when i, R1 and manish smoked, after smoking we went to manish’s house. His family was watching tv, so we sat along with them.. suddenly there was some sexy scene on tv, and i bloody burst out laughing, then r1 and manish followed, we were laughing so hard that we couldnt get up and go outside. Finally we managed to go out, finished out laughing for some time and came back to his house, still we were having problems with controlling laughter, manish would make faces at his father when he turns around, and we would keep laughing seeing his chutiyagiri. Had other incidents too but this is best of the lot.
So as we were smoking yesterday and laughing suddenly it started to rain. So we ran and took shelter in cousin’s house, yeh and we couldnt stop laughing. Another thing was that i had stopped wearing underwear since a week, i dont think underwear is really necessary, and the humidity and stuff its not practical. So while i was at cousin’s house, i was worrying i will get an erection and i would embarrass myself, but its just that i was feeling that i m having an erection but actually i wasnt. They kept asking why we are laughing, then reached home and continued laughing. The effect of pot went down only after we drank daru later in the evening.
Drinking has been regular since last post, basically everything is fun. Also have been gambling a bit, so its good.
If you ever gambled you will know there is a pattern to luck, scientifically speaking we can say its random but it happens almost all the time so i wont really believe it to be random, i think we call something random just because we are yet to understand them. In game of cards if you start getting good cards then you will get good cards in a series, like for three or four games u will constantly get good cards. In life too such shit happens, events are always in series.
As an observer of life i have noticed these patterns all the time, how does anyone become rich, to be rich you need a series of things to happen, all of them in your favor, back to back one after another, and it happens. Same with bad luck when one thing goes wrong, everything around you goes wrong, things that are not related to each other, and these patterns are not just for major events but for everyday smaller events too.Every one knows there are good times after bad and bad times after good but rarely do ppl notice a pattern to it.
There is no special good news but times are good now, if you see my last post i was at a dead end, but suddenly money started rushing in, and i m good now, some unexpected payments and shit, nothing great but good, good for this month.
And secondly it seems everyone wants to drink with me, and i tell you it has nothing to do with money, its like everyone is offering free daru to me, its like i have become a trend or something. I dont know with whom to drink, too many invites. I have said yes to three people today for evening drinks, not sure how i m gonna manage.
I m a pretty simple guy, i understand just two things money and fun. And i have money for this month, and there are drunkards to have fun with. And these people are real drunkards, people who drink and fight, and do tightgiri’s, i happen to like such people.
So B got married two days back, not really a friend but just a guy i know. Good wife he got. But she has got bigger beard than me, thankfully she shaved for wedding. we played a prank on him by hiding a few alaram clocks here and there in his room. Not much fun but ok. I would have liked if we threw shit in his room at night, but people wont approve, would they.
I m gonna write real shit soon, just keeping a diary isnt gonna cut it anymore. I have things in my mind that needs to be puked here